Cousin Andy's Sleep Over

I was in a meeting at work today when my husband called.


He said 'Cousin Andy's staying the night.'


Andy is my husband's cousin, who is 1 year older than DH.  He's a lot of fun, and we all love it when he's in town and comes to see us.  Sadly, tonight I was on location and DH had a night class, so Cousin Andy ended up babysitting!  Poor guy!


Here's a picture of Cousin Andy and DH.  Yes, we always call him 'Cousin Andy'.  It's kinda stuck.  I had just gotten home, so it was pretty late when this was taken.  That's why they look exhausted.

Thanks for stopping by, Cousin Andy!!  It's great to see you again!

One Very Bad Dog or Death of a Slipper

So how about a few pictures?  Please pardon the lack of white balance in the first photo, I'm running out the door to class.....


Here is a picture of One Very Bad Dog.  Notice the adorable face?  The super cute eyes?  The ears hanging low cause he isn't sure what the heck I needed him for and what exactly the camera is.  He's very lucky that he's so damn cute.

He caused the Death of a Slipper.  The Slipper Escapade slipper.  My husband brought the shoe to me with a rather detectable note of glee in his voice.  I hung my head in frustration.  Dear Husband (DH) pointed out yet again, that this was the 'very last pair of shoes THAT dog is going to eat'.  Notice we still have One Very Bad Dog.  We surely can't get rid of him, if we're keeping the teenagers. (see previous post)

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Teenagers Are Like Bad Roommates

Ok, so maybe YOUR teenager is not like a bad roommate.  La Ti Da.  Good on ya.


But I have two teenage girls in the house.  It's awesome.  Ok, that's bs.  It sucks much.


Teenagers are like beasts straight out the animal kingdom.


First off, they smell bad.  Really really bad.  My husband refers to this smell as BAF. He describes this as 'the smell of unwashed bodies'.  But teenagers are worse than that.  It's BAF mixed with a locker room and unwashed laundry.   Buy some air freshener.  Better yet, buy STOCK in air freshener.  You're gonna need it.


Second, they eat all your food.  Not like your other kids, who only eat 1 piece of pizza. Teenagers eat the  whole damn thing.  They eat the left over homemade mac and cheese you've been planning to eat for lunch at work tomorrow.   They eat all the cookies.  And the rest of the ice cream.  So you get a total of maybe 2 scoops out of an entire gallon.  It really isn't fair at all.  They just hoover it all up.  The worst part is, not only do they literally eat your lunch, but they put back empty containers.  Picture it:


You're snuggled up watching a movie with your hubs.


He says 'Hey! Let's have some ice cream!'  You pretend he's not brilliant.


You:  "Nah.  I'm on a diet, remember?  Besides, it's cold out."


Him:  "Well, I know we didn't eat it all the other night.  I'll even make it for you!" That's the clincher.  Now you don't even have to get up!


You:  "OK.  But just a small bowl.  I'm really trying to lose weight."  Uh huh.  Yup.  Sure.


So you pause the movie, and he putters into the kitchen.  You hear him open the freezer.  He starts digging around in there.  And then:


Him:  "Honey?  Did you eat the rest of the ice cream?" Did he just call you fat?


You:  "I was at work all week.  I've hardly had time to eat ice cream." Seriously...I think he just called you fat.


Him:  "Well, there's none left.  It's gone." WHAT?  Who ate the damn ice cream?


To which you both reply....."Damn teenagers."


Third, they make messes all over the place that they never clean.  And when you ask them to tidy up after themselves a little, they have some kind of seizure.  Their eyes roll back in their heads.  Their feet start stomping, they start muttering and flopping their hands around.  (Absolutely no offense to anyone who has real seizures.  I'm just attempting to describe the phenomenon as I've witnessed it.)  I've even seen my daughter develop a twitch.  In which she simultaneously sucks her teeth, tosses her head, heaves a deep sigh and rolls her eyes.  It can be frightening.  Sometimes I'm not sure if she's going to fall to the ground or if her head is going to start spinning around. I should probably talk to her doctor...


Fourth, they spend a LOT of time in their rooms doing heaven only knows what.  They could be plotting to take over the world.  They could be trying to find a cure to cancer.  I can't honestly tell you exactly what goes on in there.  All I know is that it smells bad.   I do know that my teenager knows when we're watching a movie.  She picks those times to start banging on her wall.  There aren't any holes on her side, so again, I have no idea what the hell is going on in there.  Our children don't have their own TVs, so I guess she's in there staring at walls and randomly checking to see if they're still solid?  I don't know.  Just a guess.


Fifth, they NEVER chip in for the bills, but ALWAYS need cash.  This is one of my pet peeves.  My teenagers wait until the very last second to tell me they need cash for something.  Cash is something I very rarely have on me.  Honestly.  I just don't carry cash.  So at 10 pm when my 14 year old pops her head into my room and tells me she needs 3 dollars for a school dance the next day, I have to tell her to go ask her Dad, or start checking the couch.  Last time she asked me for cash, she and her older sister were at the store.  She called to tell me that they were going to get 2 dollars cash back on my visa.  I had to inform her that it doesn't work that way and she couldn't do it.  It's funny, I get that; but it's annoying.


But the point here is that teenagers are like bad roommates.  Teenagers are Mother Nature's way of explaining how an animal could eat her young.


And I have two.  Faceplant.


You know - I read this to my daughters and husband.  We all had a good laugh.  I published it and walked away.  About a half hour later, I was looking for tweezers; and it dawned on me.....I left something out. 


If your teenagers are girls, there is another way they are like bad roommates.  THEY TAKE YOUR STUFF.  Nothing is sacred with a teenager in the house.  I've hunted down tweezers, jewelry, shoes, clothes, and makeup in my daughter's room.  I searched for a brand new pair of shoes for a week before I finally went to check her room.  Sure enough, there they were.  In her closet. She wears my flip flops every.single.summer.  It makes me crazy.  I don't remember ever doing these things to my mom.  


Speaking of my mom...I should probably call her and apologize again for everything I did from the age of 12 to the age of 18.  I did that the day my oldest daughter was born.  Apparently, I'll be doing it for a very.long.time.

What Happened?

I had this great post all typed out....


It was about how my husband never gets around to the things on his Honey Do List.  So in fairness to him, I listed the things on MY Honey Do List....and realized that he's actually way better than I am when it comes to getting around to stuff.


Then I touched something on my computer.  I have no clue what.  All I know is that it made my post disappear.  Which is ok with me, because after typing it all out and reading it over; I realized that I had managed to make myself look like a professional slacker!!


Maybe I'll write a post about Honey Do Lists later, when I've gotten around to finishing mine!

New Shoes

Who doesn't love a new pair of shoes?  I love new shoes!  I also happen to have one very bad dog who loves to eat my shoes, so I have to the joy of buying new shoes often.  (please don't tell my husband...he thinks the shoes just multiply in the back of the closet)  I got a new pair of black flats yesterday.  They're snakeskin and they look awesome!  They're Coach, which makes them my first ever pair of wickedly expensive shoes.  If the dog eats these, he's dead.  (My husband said he was dead when he ate the last pair.  They were black flats too, and I didn't like them as much; so I buried them very deep in the trash before he woke up.)

As with a lot of new shoes, they need to be broken in.  They aren't overly comfortable after wearing them for a few hours and doing a lot of walking.  There is one spot that just rubs my heel a little funny.  So when I met my husband for lunch, I asked if he would bring my slippers to work.  And he did.  And I wore them.  All afternoon.  It was pure foot bliss!  Truly!  I even danced through the lobby on my way to the copy machine for the girls at the front desk.  Mostly I did it so I could show off the fact that I was wearing slippers at work, but I also did it for their enjoyment.  Every office should have a middle aged woman dancing in the lobby on a Friday afternoon, don't you think?  

I'm sure that the only reason I was able to pull slippers off at all, is because on Friday I strictly adhere to a casual dress code.  Blue jeans and K-State T-shirts.  I was also assisted in the soon-to-be famous Slipper Escapade by the fact that my boss left the office shortly after I got back from lunch, and his second in command was on a location shoot all day...which just left two other coworkers, and myself.  Mary is sick, so I've been keeping my distance from her.  Sadly, she did not witness the Slipper Dance.  (her loss)  Dave is a recent K-State graduate and  oddly enough, his everyday attire includes a pair of shoes that greatly resemble the Slippers.  

I will continue to wear my new Coach flats in the hopes that they will become comfortable enough to not need slippers at work.  But until then, I think I may just have found my all time favorite pair of work shoes!  I mean Slippers. 


By the way, K-State T-shirts can be purchased from varneys.com if your'e not local.